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 Why God Never Received  Tenure at the University 
     He
had
only
one major publication.
/ 
      It was
{in
obscure languages}./ 
      It had
no
references.
/ 
      It wasn't
published
{in
a refereedNote PPG
journal}. / 
      Some
even
doubt
[he
wrote
it
himself.]/ 
      It may
be true [that
he
created the
universe,]/
 but what
has
he
done{since
then}? /
      His cooperative efforts
have
been quite limited.
/ 
      The scientific community
has
had a hard time
replicating 
 (Gerundive to "community"Note
#1) his results
(DO of
 "replicating").
/ 
      He
never
applied
{to the Ethics Board} {for permission}
to use 
 (Inf - Adjective to "permission")
human
subjects
(DO of  "to use") . / 
      [When one
experiment
went
awry]
he
tried
to cover
(Inf - 
 DO of "tried") it 
(DO of  "to cover") up
{by drowning (Gerund
 - Object of "by") 
the subjects
(DO of  "drowning")}.
/ 
      [When subjects
didn't
behave [as
predicted,]]
he
deleted them 
 {from the sample}./ 
      He rarely
came{to
class},
just
told
students to read
(Inf - 
 DO of  "told")
the Book
(DO of  "to read").
/ 
      Some
say
[he
had
his son
(Subject of  "to teach")
teach
(Inf - 
 DO of  "had")
the class
(DO of  "teach").] 
/
      He expelled
his first two students
{for learning
(Gerund
 - Object of  "for") 
too much 
(DO of  "learning")}.
/ 
      [Although
there were
only ten requirements,]
most students
 
failed his
tests.
/ 
      His office hours
were
infrequent
and usually
held
(Gerundive - 
 PA to "hours were"Note #2) 
{on a remote mountaintop}. / 
  
 Donna Kleiner, Internet e-mail 3/21/97 
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